Adding a bit of variety between the sheets can do more than just spice up your sex life. According to the latest research, it can even create more time to do it too. Here’s how...

Eat the same food all the time and you will get bored. Fail to inject enough variety into your sex life and you could be facing the same problem.

And yet often the reality of juggling a job, kids and home life gets in the way of having fun in the bedroom, leaving you too frazzled to even think about having sex. But help is at hand. The latest US buzz is all about the “sex pyramid” – a formula that promises to help women to get what they really want in bed and to create more time to do it. Put simply it’s a nifty tool for taking an honest look at your sex life and discovering how to perk it up.

What’s my sex style?

The average couple’s horizontal habits are made up from a combination of the following types of sex. Can you spot your favourite?

• The quickie: Any time anywhere – you might have half an hour when the kids are in bed or five minutes before work. Forget foreplay, it’s all about speed.

• Slow and intimate: The connoisseur’s choice – sensuous, gratifying sex that can last for hours – and always ends in a satisfying orgasm.

• Adventurous: Something a tad out of the ordinary, whether it’s a new position, sex in the shower or dressing up.

• Solo sex:  There’s no shame in going it alone – in fact it’s an essential part of a healthy couple’s sex life.

Building your sex pyramid

Creating your own sex pyramid is easy: it’s all about finding the right balance of styles for you. Simply draw a triangle, and start by writing your favourite sexual style at the base. Your second favourite will fill the spot above and so on. The top will be the kind of sex you only want, or have time to have, once in a while.

It’s a good idea to draw two triangles – one to represent your real sex life and one to capture your dream one.

Seeing it in black and white will help you see how far you are from your ideal, and which sex styles you need to include more or less of to get there.

If you’re only having one type of sex all the time, you can also see how to incorporate some of the other styles – a few quickies perhaps – into your repertoire to spice things up and stop boredom setting in.

The pyramid is also great for highlighting where you can fit more sex in. If making love slowly and intimately is your favourite choice but is currently off the agenda due to time constraints or family pressures, you may want to rethink your view on quickies and make them your sex staple until life calms down.

Get your man involved

It’s worth getting your partner to draw his own sex pyramid, too. Not only is it a fun way of bringing up an embarrassing subject, it’s a great way to make sure you’re both striving for the same thing.

Denise Knowles of Relate says: “In order to instigate a more a varied sex life, you’ve got to be able to talk about it openly and honestly.”

Keeping the balance long-term

Be prepared to rethink your sex pyramid regularly as your life moves forward.

Just as your emotional needs change, your sex needs also change as relationships grow and you enter different phases of your life.

You might find becoming parents puts a dampener on your sex life for a bit, while kids leaving home can create more time and energy to re-ignite things.

The key is finding what suits you and your current lifestyle and maximising it.

5 ways to find more bedroom time

(1)Put it in the diary

 
Try to schedule in a morning or afternoon when you both have some spare time. Making love according to a timetable may sound unromantic but the reality can be a real turn-on, as you can both look forward to your special time together. You could even write it on the kitchen calendar… in code.

(2)Get your man to help with chores

Not only will quicker chores free up more time for sex – doing stuff together might get you in the mood. A study by California Riverside University last year found that men who washed up, ironed and generally did more around the house reported having more sex with their wives!

(3)Turn talk into action

Instead of moaning about never “getting time for sex” just grab your man and have a quickie. He’ll love the thrill of being seduced unexpectedly, it won’t take too long and the chances are the kids won’t even have noticed you’ve slipped off.

(4)Click your way to more time

 
Simplify your life and reduce time spent on chores by using the internet to take care of all those boring, time-consuming things. Order food and other essentials online and start internet banking and paying your bills by direct debit to cut down on trips to the bank. You’ll free up more time to spend on being intimate with your man. 

(5)Make time limits part of the fun

 
Having a deadline on something can make it more exciting. Are the kids going to be back soon? Are you expected somewhere? Finding a moment to have a quickie can add some new heat and passion into even the most tired relationship.